Intelligent people dating answers

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He is interested in developing social relationships.

But, he has had no significant romantic relationships with the opposite sex (though he has had a couple of brief ones). He also has non-romantic relationships with the opposite sex (even more-so than with male friends). His almost always carries a backpack with him, often to the most inappropriate places, his dress awareness is weak (by any convention), and he has developed other minor unusual mannerisms, which discourage potential female partners.

What happens is that they know there is a problem but when they try to deal with it, they get so painfully emotional and threatened that they become defensive and back off the project and retreat back to the ivory tower where they stay until the next time they get lonely.

The other academicians around you sharing office space in the tower are by and large also nerds and also socially awkward and so they can’t help much.

My son in his mid-30s, is extremely intelligent, has a Ph. in Chemistry, and is a postdoctoral researcher at an Ivy League University. He does not know many of the rules of social interaction, and lacks confidence in social situations.

Some of his actions are often considered eccentric.

I know this because I used to be one of these people.

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If they are at all smart, they tend to go whole hog into some intellectual pursuit.

They are so very competent at what they do intellectually that they cannot stand the thought of having to go back to being an absolute beginner and trying to figure out how to be with other people.

The whole idea of being an adult who is a virgin (or a relationship virgin anyway even if not a physical one) is deeply shameful and embarrassing and people tend to avoid dealing with what is deeply shameful and embarrassing.

So, the first part of my response will be to offer you some ideas about what might be happening to your son.

None of the ideas I’m going to explore here are necessary descriptive of your son, but they might help to organize our thinking.

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